Last nicht I took my dog tae the vet
For ane o' her lugs had a cankerous set
It bent in the middle an' droopit richt doon
An' she tried wi' her fit tae scrap' at its foon'

Sho got in the car lookin' freen'ly enough
Bit afore we'd gaen far she wis richt in a sooch
For weel did she mine fit thon skeely man
Cwid dae tae her doup wi' a s'ringe in his han'

I stoppit the car an' she dug in her heels
She wisna for jags or muckle great peels
She wis in ower the back, then doon at the front
An' jinkit aboot lik' a fox frae the hunt

Noo efter a fecht we got tae the room
An' she shivr't an shook at the thocht o' her doom
Bit seen a' the smells o' the beasts gaither't roon
Hid her lugs stan'in up an' her doup sittin' doon

It came tae oor turn tae gang tae the vet
She look't at the door an' took aff lik' a jet
The fowk that were waitin' coort back at the sicht
An' I clung tae the door wi' a' o' my micht

Fan anse on the table she sat lik' a rock
Her heid pintin' straicht, her neck in a lock
Her lugs were laid back, her een swiv'lt roon
An she miss't nae a move o' thon vitnary loon

I grippit her heid as the vet took her lug
Her lip curl't up an' she startit tae tug
Her ee kept him fix't as she measur't her jump
An' her langin' wis clear for a bite o' his rump

He liftit her lug an' pokit aboot
An' smelt at the stink that cam' hotterin' oot
"Och aye, it's a canker, I'll gie her a jab
An' I'll gie ye some cream for tae gie it a dab

Wi' the lug sortit oot the vet chang't his tack
An' mov't his attention tae roon at the back
It seems that a glan' jist under her tail
Hid got chokit up an' she hidna a smell

He pull't on a glove an' look't at the job
An' the dog hunker't doon wi' a peetifa sob
He liftit her tail an' pokit aboot
An' in nae time at a' it wis a' sortit oot

Wi' jobbies a' dean it wis time for advice
Bit hoo tae explain fan it wisna quite "nice"?
He lookit me up an' he lookit me doon
Tae see wis I posh or a plain country loon

He didna tak' lang tae mak' up his min'
An' the words that he used werna fancy or fine
The dog hung her heid an' wi' een did beseech
"Can't ye see I'm a lady nae used tae sich speech?"

Wi' business a' daen I open't the door
An' the dog fussl't by as ootside she tore
Then back in the car an' ance again meek
An' she'll bide jist lik' that, 'till her visit next week!

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